lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So squirting runs in the family.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
