I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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