you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
