Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize