Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
