she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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