i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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