took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
