You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
