I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
