PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I intend to get homeless drunk
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
