The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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