i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize