Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
