If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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