Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
