I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
