She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
