My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
is it fun? or sober?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
