How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
