I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
