sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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