lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
