i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize