You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
