Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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