i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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