Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
