All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize