You made me cry and you don't even care
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
