My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
