Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
