I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
