Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
