I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
NoShamevember. You game?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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