dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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