so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
