It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
