I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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