What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
