i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize