Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
