WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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