God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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