its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
