i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
