It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
