I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize