Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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