after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
