I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
