he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
