did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
