dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
