did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
