Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
