so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
