he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Congratulations! We have a period
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