At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
