Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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