i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
