you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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