my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
