Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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