i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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