so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
