I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
