So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
