His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
