dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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