i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
